Joy

Happiness is a luxury that we all deserve. It may come from accomplishments we achieve in life or from more simple matters like love and friendship. A man who lives life without being fully happy may not be living at all. Life is short and we must do our best to appreciate all the smaller things in life and be happy and thankful just for being alive. For having a shot at being the person we want to be. One's happiness could potentially lead to someone else's joy in life. It's almost like a web connecting us all. As brothers and sisters. As a massive family. Though, not all the time that one's happiness brings upon another's joy in life. It's quite a shame but such is the complexity of life.

I'm not an extremely depressed person, nor am I an amazingly happy individual. I'd say I lie safely between being sad and being happy. Can't say that I'm content, but I can't say that I feel like my life sucks either. Honestly speaking, I almost feel like it's difficult to talk about happiness since I'm not exactly in a correct position to freely express my thoughts on such a heavy matter. I don't know if I'm legitimately happy. I don't know if I will ever be. All I know is I have been happy, at least I remember being so. Right now, I'm content. I suppose that's as close as I can get to joy right now. But it's way better than being sad. If not being sad is being happy, then I suppose by way of technicality, I am indeed happy.

But what exactly constitutes being legitimately happy? What are the things in life that make me happy? What would I give to possess such luxury in life? These are a few questions I sometimes ask myself. I do have the answers, I do have the ideas. But sometimes I also question myself if the answers are really what I believe with all my heart. It's almost as if I am one uncertain individual. I may be. But at least I am more than 100% sure of my sexuality. Oooooooh! Gay jokes aside, there are a handful of things that make me happy. At least, in a sort of "GLAD" way. This includes seeing happy people, being polite, spending time with friends and seeing my mother happy. But there were also things that really made me extremely happy. And I miss those oh so dearly. However, I know I must learn to appreciate other things around me and find happiness one way or another. Even if it meant forgetting what really makes me happy. Sometimes it saddens me, sometimes it encourages me. Writing this really is making me realize how confused and uncertain I am in so many things. Wow.

(Happiness is a luxury we all deserve. Depriving ourselves of it is quite a shame.)

Despite this being a sort of diary, I choose not to share things about what really makes me happy. But all I can say is that as long as we know exactly what we want in life in order to legitimately feel happy, we should not waste a moment in pursuing those things. Life is short and if we can't live that single chance, that one shot, to the fullest, then it's almost a waste of time in this planet. I may be in the road to living a life not really being fully happy, but at least I'm aware of the fact and I may be able to correct the mistakes I am making. I asked myself the question: am I happy? And it seems my answer is no. It's sad, but true. I guess I'm not happy. Shit. Damn. This was supposed to be an entry about happiness yet I have managed to fuck it up and end up being a depressing post. Way to go, Aron.