Last Saturday, exactly a week ago, I lost my wallet along with a lot of my cards and identification cards. Not really that bad, although it was a bit of a hassle. Now, i have some tasking to do that involves applying for new cards because of the incident. Had to make some phone calls and arrange for appointments so I can be established again when it comes to reacquiring those credentials. Supposedly, somebody found it and dropped it in a Canada Post mailbox. I didn't have cash, luckily. I called the company but they informed me that it could take a month for me to get it back. I can't afford to wait, and I don't even know if the guy who found it really just dropped it there. I can't wait and I cannot risk anything. And so I am taking the initiative to avoid unnecessary griefs and worse, identity theft.
Though, it's not even the cards and other stuff I had in the wallet that I was bummed about. It's the actual wallet itself. It was a gift from someone that was special to me. And it was a nice wallet too. But I suppose just like how I deleted all of our pictures, it is also time I moved on a little bit more and replace this gift I held dear for a very long time. Gotta move forward, I suppose. And I'm fine with that. And so I bought a new wallet. Not sure how I'm liking it, but I'm pretty certain after some time I will learn to like it and get used to it. Perhaps I'm just so used to the old wallet I had.
Another thing from the past I decided to change today was my cellphone's voicemail greeting. This has got to be one of the toughest things from my recent past that I had a very solid attachment to, among many things. But today I sat down, wrote some lines on NOTEPAD and decided to change it. I listened to it a few times and then I recorded what I wanted. After a few tries, I got it down to how I feel it should be delivered in terms of pronunciation and tone. And then I was done. What she recorded for me a couple of years back, I finally trashed to replace with my own voice. With my own greeting. It seems my attachment to the past has grown weaker and weaker through time. This feat didn't even seem so difficult to do. At all. But I do remember it like it was yesterday when I sat in fron of my PC, browsed through all of our photos and started deleting each and every single one of our photos.
Each picture erased felt like a quick stab to my chest. In the end, I was left in tears and the albums that contained pictures of us together were left empty. Like that void she left in my heart that I tried so hard to fill after we have gone our separate ways. Now, it seems I either got stronger, or the love I once felt turned into nothingness and disappeared. This is probably what moving on is. Or is it just that I don't really care anymore? I know I have set my sights on some objectives. I guess I am in the process of finding another path in life that does not involve her. Good then. It's probably healthier that way.
However, I am well aware that I could do better. I still feel that there are still aspects and remains in my life that has something to do with her, directly or indirectly. I know that with perseverance, I will be able to fully move on and forget about everything. The question is, do I really want to forget? Or I wish I could always remember?
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