Smiles and Laughs

We talked, we smiled and we laughed. Until 3 in the morning. We smiled and we laughed so much our cheeks were hurting. It was funny and I was happy. I was happy.

Not only was she gorgeous, smart and sweet. She was also easy to talk to. And we connected in so many ways. We understood a lot of things and had the same opinion on various matters ranging from religion, music, games and even principles in life. I felt like we were the same, though it was very apparent that our lives were separated by so much differences. She was a princess and I was not but a mere low life. But she made me feel and believe that even a peasant like me could be worthy of someone so beautiful. And it made me feel alive and important. Like I actually mattered in this world.

No more do we talk anymore. And no longer do I hear her laugh nor see her smile. In fact, I have nothing left but pictures and videos. And memories I'm afraid that are slowly fading away. How ironic, I fear for them to disappear yet I can't honestly bear for one single piece of these memories to pass my mind. The things I'd give just to be able to see her smile again, and hear her laugh. The things I'd do just so we can be together again. But I am well aware that all those smiles and laughter we shared, I treasure the most. And despite wanting them back in my life so bad, I know that this is the ending that's best for both of us. She did something that I was not strong enough to do. And that just showed how much she was stronger than me. That, or perhaps I was just not worth it anymore. At this point, I know not anymore what to believe nor think. I'd take confusion over the truth. Because I know a lot of times, the truth fucking hurts.

We smiled and we laughed together. It was the best. We smiled so much and we laughed together so much our cheeks were hurting. We'd mention it and look at each other, just to smile again. I always thought she was way over my league. And I always questioned whether I really deserved her or not. I tried so hard to be the right guy. Perhaps, I even tried too hard. I always thought she was the one I can't live without. But after the tragic events that occured a couple of years ago, I have been enlightened as to what the truth of the matter really was: it's that she wasn't the girl I couldn't live without. I am still alive after all... She was the only one I wished to live with. I am hopeful that the day will come I will be able to fully move on and forget. I am wishful for the time to come that I can easily look back at how we were and not feel sorrow nor extreme anguish, but instead joy. Only then will I be able to safely say that I am, in fact, over her.