Because I Can

I was never a bad person. Despite the efforts to be heartless and cruel, I've failed miserably with my attempts and always just ended up doing what I felt at the time to be the right thing to do and fall victim to my conscience. But don't get me wrong, I was never a saint either.

And after the recent events in my life that resulted to losing the person I loved w/ all my heart, the heart that I destroyed myself in order to be stronger, losing friends and making terrible decisions that led to sad consequences, I have started a sort of campaign to try and redeem myself. And perhaps, find a reason for my existence. I've started doing random acts of kindness to the people around me, friends or strangers. Things I normally wouldn't have done back then and things I'd get out of my way just to do for other people.

(Help and expect nothing in return...)

Giving seniors your seat, opening doors for others, helping the elderly carry their stuff up or down the stairs, paying for friends, lending things that I don't expect to get back and giving away possessions I feel like I have no need for are just a few feats I have succeeded to execute recently. I understand that these may not be such amazing things compared to what others might have accomplished, but I'd like to think that it's a good start.
I'm not rich enough to do more, but I do what I can with what I have. And I think that's not such a bad start.

Next week, when I get some cash, I plan on taking this crusade to the next level.
I plan on buying food and water for a random homeless individual I come across. And maybe some groceries that are easy to prepare and eat. Depends on how much extra cash I have. But it's something that came instantly in my mind a week ago and I want to make it happen.

I've been lost beyond retrieval. And by doing this, maybe I can find myself again. Or at least, find something else to do to fill the void that was left after losing so much. Though, it's funny... Because I thought that perhaps it is the time to be selfish for once and focus on myself instead of other people (girls). But now, I seem to be ending up on a totally different and even worse path that is way out of the rail in terms of being selfish... I might have to rethink my strategies. Hmm...