Scarf Mandatory Still

We walked down the street towards the Starbucks she wanted to go to. I was fine with whichever coffee shop, what really mattered the most to me was that I could spend some time with her. Get to know her a little bit more than before. To learn more about this really nice girl I was introduced to. And I was happy that somehow, she was giving me a chance to do just that. The winter winds were cold and the skies weren't exactly too bright. But it felt brighter and warmer. Maybe because she was there. It's amazing what someone can do to you without really doing anything. And it felt nice.

She probably noticed my inability to properly wear a scarf. In fact, I really don't know how to use one. I've always just let it hang on my neck. And if I really felt cold, I'd swing both ends until they hang on my shoulders once again. Never did I learn how to wear it in a specific style.
I don't remember quite well how she ended up fixing my scarf for me. The talk just prior to that moment seemed insignificant. All I can really remember right this very moment were her eyes and how close they were at that time.
We stood there, in front of each other. When she reached for my scarf to help me wear it better, it almost felt like time slowed down. I looked at her gray eyes but got ultimately shy moments later. I looked away in an attempt to sort of dissipate the slight intimacy it felt to me. I looked to left and up towards the buildings, avoiding further eye contact. I stood as straight as I could to sort of exhibit a good stature, which I almost always do anyway. I haven't been that close to her and frankly, I avoided any physical contact just to show her I am not like those guys that take every chance they get in touching the girl they like. There were times I'd bump into her hand or arm and I'd immediately apologize.

(I remember that exact moment...)

At the time, what my mind and heart told me were sweet things. Thoughtfulness and care rooted to attraction. That moment was so strong and important to me it is that one single memory that I'll probably always remember of her. But it seems my mind and heart misinterpreted and misunderstood such a sweet and caring act. It goes to show just how much my mind and heart can be easily vulnerable to misinterpretations just because I was interested in someone. It turns out it was just a friendly act. Nothing more, nothing less. Needless to say, it doesn't change the fact that it's the single most important and memorable moment of her that I possess. It is sad and quite unfortunate that I may no longer have the opportunity to perhaps obtain a better memory of her than that. But it is a reality I must learn to accept. You win some, you lose some. And in this case, I lost. I was a fool to believe I had a chance. But at the same time, I also wanted to know even if I wasn't sure. I took the risk and in the end have fallen quite miserably. But I'm proud. I'm proud that because of her I found that romantic side of me, once again. Something I thought I have lost after more than two years of it being suppressed. I changed, but in the end, that side of me remained intact and stronger than ever.

I wish her the best of luck in everything. And I hope that she finds what she's looking for in a man. I hope that in the end, she'll find the happiness she desires and deserves. I hope in the end she'd be able to forgive me. I hope that she finds love, success and everything else she wants to have in this life. Just like how I was in the beginning, up to today after all has ended... I was, still am, and will always be... hopeful.