Worked was pretty good today. I actually had a bit of fun at work despite being left alone and/or working with just the manager. The employee in charge of the store is pretty nice towards me. She smiles and she does her best to explain me the things I don't know. And I appreciate it a lot. I just hope she likes me enough and hopefully all will be well in the end. I'm starting to like it more and more working there. And I want to do my best to fulfill the tasks I am required to execute and memorize. I learned a lot today and I look forward to another shift.
I promised myself to not bother her at all within the next few months of her semester. I understand that she might not want to be disturbed and would pretty much rather focus on her studies. And that's completely fine. I should be doing the same too. Though, my courses aren't exactly difficult. So I can actually afford to slack a bit and still expect myself to pass in the end. But I still want to see her from time to time. Even if it's just 15 minutes a week. I'd be happy and just appreciate that time available to us. It's not the best but it's definitely way better than not seeing nor talking to her at all. So I don't intend to ask her out for dinner nor movies. I just decided to completely drop those and just settle with a few text messages during the week and maybe come see her for a bit during the weekend when she works. I'd pretty much settle with whatever I can get and hopefully, she'll try and make time for me. Though I do not expect her to do so. She does have more pressing and important matters to either attend to or take care of. And I absolutely understand. I told myself I'll take things slowly and that I can wait. I planned on sticking to that and proving not just to myself but to her as well that I can wait.
Though sometimes it gets to me. And it shakes me quite a bit. I think it's because of the fact that in my past relationships, I've always been with girls that liked me back already. It was mostly always about girls finding me likable and then I just went along because I liked them too. There was no sort of hard work put in to courting a girl. Hard work in terms of pursuing someone, that is. I've always been someone to do his best for the girl he was with. I've given flowers on a weekly basis, sent cards 28 times in a month (LDR w/ an ex from the Philippines) and spent thousands on plane tickets leaving me in debt up to this day. But these are just the material things. What matters the most are the thoughts and simple acts that really account for the most value when it comes to things you can do for your significant other. But I do not intend to disclose these things for now.
It is indeed the first time I'm actually trying to get to know someone first, taking things slowly, hoping that the girl would like me in the end. I'm not new to relationships, but I'm new to taking things slowly and I'm afraid I'd get carried away again and just mess things up. I'm not afraid of the fact that in a year or two, maybe she won't even like me. I'm not terrified of the idea that in the end she might want to be just friends. No. I acknowledge the possibility that she just wouldn't like me at all. What worries me the most is I do things in a way that would make her think I'm just stupid, crazy or a terrible person. I know I'm not any of those. I'm confident of what I can be as a significant other and I'm proud of the person I am. I just hope I don't end up making bad decisions during the next few months or years.
I also ask myself the question of how long am I really willing to wait? I don't know the answer to that. Is a year too long? Or two years just the right amount of time for her to know if she trusts me or like me too? I just don't know. But I'm a man walking around with a stirred heart. I'm not even supposed to be looking for someone and instead should be focusing on bettering his life. But if I can find someone who can accept me when I have nothing, then I can rest assured that she likes me for who I am. Not for what I have.
I've been working on a small project. I don't think she reads me blog. But if she does, then I suppose disclosing what it is I'm working on might sabotage the surprise. I can only hope that in the end, she'd like what I'm making for her. I only have a few more weeks to go. And given the work schedule and school I have right now, I'm finding it a tad difficult to sit and work on finishing it. Hopefully, she'll appreciate it.
It's clear to me that my Back to School entries aren't exactly about my everyday adventures in school. It's beginning to be more about her than anything else. I work in funny ways.
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