Things have been quite amazing for me. This year has just begun and I'm already finding myself surrounded by great things in life. I don't exactly fall under the year of the snake. But it seems just as I am recognized for this sign, I am also slightly affected by its presence. Can't say no to that and can't really complain. I can only be thankful.
School's been okay. I mean, this is quite an easy course. And I'm just doing some reviews of my other one so I can schedule to take the exam maybe by the end of the month. I will consult the academic adviser soon right after I've figured out and decided what to take for a higher level of education. I'll come up with maybe 3 programs I am interested in and then inquire as to what requirements I still need to obtain for those paths.
I sat there in class, glad to be back. The teacher explained a lot of things that I already knew and it got me a bit bored. But I did my best to pay attention and not look sleepy. I respect my teacher and he's good at what he does. So looking bored in class was not something I wanted to show him. Even though I wish I can just not show up and still get the presence. I sat there zoning out from time to time. I'm just a bit bummed with how things kinda rolled out with me and her. I feel like I may have crossed the line when I asked her out for Valentines. Maybe I got too excited as well. Maybe she regret saying yes and had to take it back. Not really sure. All I can tell is that she's afraid of being in a relationship. And it seems she's been in bad ones too. So I can't blame her for that. As much as I like her, I did plan on taking things slower. I didn't even plan on asking her out for something romantic until next year. But it seems I might have to go slower than I intended to be. I like her a lot, but I do want to get to know her first. And if we have to go for just coffee for a whole year or two, I'd gladly settle with that. I told her I have some things I wanted to tell her, but was getting ready for school. I'm not even sure if I should tell her those things. A part of me tells me that she doesn't need to know I like her. A part of me just screams tell her that and let her know you're willing to wait. I'm afraid of the result I may get from either of those moves.
Before I left for school, she said she was proud of me. That really gave me a boost and was probably the best thing that happened to me that day.
Speaking of best, so far almost everything I have written on that project regarding writing down good things that happened during the year were all about her. Not that I'm complaining... Wish I could write more.
Zoning out in class was quite funny. The teacher would be explaining something and when I get my awareness back, he's already done and asking if we had questions. My mind was clearly not there and it's funny and alarming at the same time. I was just doing a lot of thinking about things I need or want to do. For her and for myself. I need to learn how to focus.
Got home and after I ate and got ready for bed, I composed a longer than usual text message stating some things I wanted to tell her in brief. Essentially, I wanted her to know that I was sorry if I made her feel uncomfortable and that I was aware of the fact that I am in fact a stranger to her. And I accept it. I also told her that all I want right now is to get to know her. And if it takes 1095 cups of Green Tea Lattes for me to no longer be considered a stranger to her, so be it. I sent the message, laid down in bed and waited for an answer.
A minute passed and I was anxious. 30 minutes passed, I was afraid. It was 2 in the morning already and still no reply. I fell asleep disappointed of myself, thinking that I may have just messed things up. And I think I really did...
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