Everyday

Richard, my co-worker's quite an ice cube. He's one of the chillest guy I know.
And recently, we've gotten into this conversation about girls and the topic brought up subjects that I'm no longer particularly sure if I want to talk about or not. I suppose, I still am that guy who bottles everything inside. I wonder if I got that from my father?
Nothing against Richard. This entry is mainly about what is going on in my mind. And what I've come to realize all these years. And thanks to him, he made me answer some questions that I did not dare ask myself even after more than 2 years. And so, I thank him for that.

Richard's faithfulness towards his girlfriend is admirable and frankly, something that makes me respect him even more. There's only a handful of people I've encountered in my life that could easily, without thinking twice, say that their GF is the most important to them. In a way, I liked that for it reminds me of my old self. So with that said, I'm cutting to the chase and getting to the matter at hand right about... now.

After learning that I just recently suffered a break up, he immediately followed suit with how he thought I was strong and that if it was him, he'd be very devastated and depressed. I smiled with no words to say after. Though, in my head, I knew 'strong' might not be the best quality to describe how I've dealt with my loss. But then again, I am still alive and I still laugh at funny things. So I suppose I've managed. Somehow. But he had no idea. Well, nobody does. And then he asked me for the reason why we broke up. At that point, I really wished we changed topic and I was already not feeling very comfortable. But I like the guy and he's chill, so I answered him the best way I could without really getting into the subject that much. I told him that, she had the strength to do what I couldn't. I wasn't ready for someone like her. It's what's best for her.

He also asked me if I still thought about her. For that question, I didn't have to think hard. The answer was right there. I live it. All I had to do was say it. I told Richard, 'Everyday'.

She tried to establish communication with me a couple of months ago. I did my best... but it hurt me more than it made me feel good. I want the best for her and I know it isn't me. But the thought of being there only to see she's with somebody else is something that brings me nothing but tormenting agony. And so I chose to disappear. The irony is that I run away from the only girl in the world I wished to talk to and be with. But there are just things that you have to let go. I've come to realize that. And sadly, it may not be the easiest feat to engage in. But when you start to adapt and get used to the pain to the point you don't know what hurts anymore, and when the tears finally run dry that blood and sweat are the only liquids you could shed, then life moves on. However, moving on is a simple thing. What we leave behind is hard. Lines from Megadeth's 'A Tout Le Monde'.

I wish Richard and his girlfriend the best this world has to offer. It would kill me to bare witness to a friend's demise for his loved one is no longer with him and his heart torn into shreds. It would be heart breaking and I pray that he does not have to endure such a hardship. He's a great guy and I'm sure she's a great girl. I wish them happiness and the strength to endure everything that life throws their way.