S.E.T.

Her laugh has got to be the best thing I admired so much about her. She lives a minimalist lifestyle and is living her life exactly the way she wants to. She's pretty and she's quite the sexually attractive type as well. She has this sort of lone wolf attitude of an independent woman and we both shared almost the same type of humor. At least when it comes to dirty jokes.

I was always drawn to her personality and interests. I suppose we both shared quite a handful of things and liked quite a bunch of the same stuff as well. Though, I never really knew how she looked like for like more than a year, as one of her TUMBLR followers, I eagerly read and viewed anything she posted. And it was great. I had my own thing going on too, but my blog essentially was just flooded w/ things that are related to heavy metal, video games and pictures of me and my ex... Heh.

Only until a year ago that we actually decided to do something together. I was nervous at first because in my head she was this mega awesome blog personality. What if she didn't like me or what if I say something stupid.
We added each other on PSN and the next thing I know, we were throwing jokes and laughing our asses off while playing RESIDENT EVIL 5.

(Resident Evil 5 for the Playstation 3 is what we played.)

She played as Chris Redfield and I was the chick. I can't even remember her name for the life of me. If there's one thing that reminded me of her, it's this game. And Little Big Planet (2). Unfortunately, I can't even bare to look at these games, since it reminds me of her. And sadly, I don't think we'll ever play anything again. But I know I am the one to blame and I pay for my mistakes with no complaints.

It was just quite a bad timing, I suppose. We started talking right after my ex and I just broke up. I knew it was probably terribly wrong to meet her judging by how I was feeling at the time. And by no means do I think that it was wrong or a mistake for me to have met her. No, not at all. The mistake was something else, and it was something I didn't do on purpose. But I feel like I have failed to properly explain myself, and it resulted into my worst fear that she promised she'd never do. But I understand well that I may be very deserving of such ending. And I don't blame her for anything.

One of these days, I will write more about the great things and wonderful moments we both shared and experienced together. I intend to do so and I will. There's so much to say I could probably write pages and pages about them on this blog. But this entry isn't about those. This is mainly a message for if ever you read this... Not even sure if you will ever find this. But... yeah.

I'm very sorry for what I've done and said to make you feel hurt and used, Sara. Meeting you wasn't a mistake, in fact, it was one of the best decisions I have done in my life. Unlike that one time I chose to watch Godzilla versus Mechagodzilla instead of The Mask of Zorro. Man, was that a big mistake... I hope you smiled at that one coz I worked hard for that joke.

(Man, I can't believe I wasted my money on this crap.)

I don't expect you to ever forgive me. I am well aware that what I may have done is completely inappropriate and it's something that I myself frown upon. Though, I could tell you with all that's left with my heart that what I did I didn't do on purpose. And only after a while after my mind cleared a little bit and found the time to think that what I have done was wrong. And even though I knew you'd get mad at me and probably end up not wanting to ever see me again, I still told you for I know you deserved to know. And I am not one to hide something from you. I respect the decisions you have made and I accept it. I just wanted to apologize and tell you that it wasn't my intention to do what I did. Not at all. I don't expect you to believe me, I don't expect you to forgive me. But hopefully, you'd at least know the truth.

Someday, maybe we'll see each other again. Most likely not. But despite how huge the world is, I know that it is not impossible for two people to bump into each other again. And I intend to see you at least one last time. I may be a bastard for doing what he did, but I am still a man and a man when all is gone is only left with his word. And you have my word that I will fulfill that promise. You know what I'm talking about.

This wrong doing I have committed is in fact the fuel for my pursuit of doing one good deed per day. I can never be forgiven, and I wouldn't forgive myself for what I did either. But I thought maybe I can find redemption in doing small things, small good things for others. To others. But by the end of the day, I know I can never erase that offense and it will always haunt my mind. There ain't no rest for the wicked, like they say.