Back to School: Day 25 [Gray Rings]

I was lost. I've been lost before. It was not an unfamiliar word nor feeling. Perhaps I was lost beyond retrieval. But I lived through the uncertainties and emerged out of the confusion in one piece. Broken in many aspects, but somewhat intact. I was lost. I was once, twice, a few times even. But in the end I've always found myself. That feeling of dismay, disbelief, disappointment, depression, betrayal, loss and other negativities is not a strange feeling to me. As it is not to a lot of people just like you and I. Some are lost more than others, and some are only lost within themselves. It does vary in degree and I was lucky I was not too far out.

Those gray rings. Each time I looked at them, those very few times, it made me feel lost once again. But not lost in a sense that I was used to feeling. It wasn't the same. It wasn't the same at all. It wasn't that feeling of being caught in a war against two people. And those two were both you. One who fought for the past and the other who fought for the future. It wasn't the same feeling of being so hopeless in trying to break out of an open prison cell you have incarcerated yourself in. Not that at all. It didn't feel like that sense of being lost in an intricate maze of doubts and absolutions. It was different. It was frightening yet soothing.
Those gray rings. Each time I looked at them, those very few times, it made me feel sad, happy and afraid. Sad because I knew. Happy because I was. And afraid because I'm human. Those gray rings were more than just spherical wonders to me. They were more than just a reason to fight for. But what they meant and what they were to me in a sentimental level do not matter anymore. What I felt and thought, what I did and planned to do, have a significance less than that of a memory forgotten. Such is the cruelty of life. Such is the reality of life.

Black and white fused. Shades I've grown fond of. Black was the shadows of my past that reminds me of who I was and where I came from. And white is the purity of my intentions and the change I decided to take. It is in harmony and balance that I wanted to live my life by. For I know it is only then that I'd finally find the happiness I've always prayed to have.


There's so much more to say, so much more to write and planned on writing. The night is ending and I have very little time. I will document highlights. Not because I have to. But because I want to.