School is still an experience that is far from exciting. Mainly because I am not exactly learning anything new. Though it is a good review to me and from time to time, things get a bit more clear to me. And in several occasions, I actually was introduced to new bits of knowledge. So overall, it's not entirely a bad experience. But it does get a tad bit boring. This month's last few sessions are important. And so I pay more attention or at least exert more effort into taking things seriously. I did mention in an earlier post that the next months aren't going to be as easy. But I am still almost certain that it won't be as difficult to the point I risk faltering. Looking forward to finishing this class and taking my history exam next month.
I'm approaching the end of my studies. I am without a doubt, quite delayed in terms of my educational progression. It's not something to be proud of and a lot of people might look down on me for being in such a demoralizing situation. But it is the price I pay for making bad decisions earlier in my teenage years. Though I regret nothing, I do however feel down from time to time for not being mature enough to know the right thing to do. I cannot blame guidance from my mother and I can't blame life for not giving me a father either. I did exactly what I wanted when I was younger and it led to nice or great things. I met nice people and experienced things that not everyone would've gone through. And for my mistakes, I have learned some lessons. Unfortunately, the hard way.
And due to my incoming accomplishment, I can see a bit of light from a handful of doors that are starting to slightly open. It's as if I have a much varied options to tackle on when it comes to my career opportunities. I acknowledge the fact that I cannot devote myself to a 4-year program anymore. I might not have the time or funds to commit myself to such a higher degree of education. I am yet to sit down, conduct the research and immerse myself in the opportunities and possible paths to take after I graduate this April.
The clan is currently experiencing an issue of great importance in regards to online activity. The Sodality has a significantly small roster. Only comprised of 7 official clan members, one of them being all the way from London, England and has a 5 hour time difference from the original 6 [SoW] members. Most of the members are working full time and are in a relationship. Given the turn off that Black Ops II was during its release, a lot of the members including myself were disgusted and disappointed. It may have played a minimal role to why we don't get on as much to play the game unlike past iterations of the series. But the way I see it, this crisis were going through is merely a result of busy work schedule paired with school and relationship responsibilities. In short, the members are just too busy with their lives outside the game. And this is not just normal but an inevitable occurrence. I anticipate this and expect it to get worse.
Aimbot has been conducting a few attempts to question members of their perceived value of the clan. Though, this is a good way of learning which of us really values the clan with a decent/reasonable importance, I do not see it as an effective way to motivate people to get on and play. I understand that my brother is merely concerned about our continuity as a clan and the preservation of our group. I too am disappointed at how things are in terms of activity in and outside the game. I respect his intentions and I am aware of this pressing issue we all need to discuss and solve as a group. Hopefully, we'll get through this commotion and come out stronger and united in the end.
I shall be writing a report and overview of this matter in a couple of days. It will tackle the root of the issue, possible solutions and initiatives that could not only generate a more constant online activity but hopefully produce means to bring us closer not as clan mates, but as brothers as well. I'll post it on the clan's Facebook page.
Last time I saw her, she told me that one of my brothers offered to pick her up and bring her home. If it was just some acquaintance of mine or her, I'd be disturbed. But it's someone that she knew way longer than me and he's also one of my brothers. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have even met her.
But it reminded me once again of an issue I've been meaning to take care of; acquiring a vehicle.
I started an initiative to finally acquire a driver's license a couple of months ago. And I had the funds and the time to devote to it. It wasn't so difficult. After all, I did have driving experience in the Philippines. Though I drove a manual jeep in a town/farm where there were no stop lights nor speed limits.
My reason at the time for wanting a vehicle was that I felt bad and ashamed that my brothers had to bring me home everytime we hung out and ended the session very late at night. Unfortunately, I had to quit my job and was forced to abort the driving classes to save money until I find another employment. And now that I have a part-time job, I can continue that initiative. But this time, part of why I want to push through with it even more so than I did back then, was the fact that I'd like to be the one to ask her if I can pick her up and drop her home. Right now, I don't even think she trusts me enough to get in a vehicle with just me. But maybe someday it will happen and if it does, I need to be ready for it.
Things have been a bit confusing for me lately. There's just a few things in my mind that I've been thinking of a lot recently. I'm stumped on a lot of matters and uncertain of some issues I currently deal with in my life. Not to mention the dilemma. I have a lot of questions I need to ask myself and I need to answer them, and answer them correctly.
I have this established notion or goal regarding where I see myself in three years. I ain't young, but I ain't old either. My classmates from the Philippines and some of the friends I have here in Montreal are all either having babies or getting married. Marriage and children aren't that big of a thing to me. It would be nice to someday have those. But at the rate of how I'm doing in life right now, I don't really see myself having that luxury of being married or having a child. If I look at myself in the mirror right now, I see a bachelor and a future of living alone. I've been alone as an only child and I've been alone as guy who couldn't find what he was looking for in a girl. So I am not exactly a stranger to a solitary lifestyle. Though I intend to work on finding someone that will have everything I'm looking for in a girl. Because as much as I anticipate being a bachelor for the rest of my life, it would be much nicer if I can have someone to share my life with.
The first step is finding that someone who would accept and like me for everything that I am. Regardless of what I don't possess.
I don't know how I'll be in three years. But I intend to do my best so I can find myself in a much better and nicer place compared to where I am in life right now.
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