I used to believe in love and perhaps I still do. I'd like to believe that a part of me that was once a hopeless romantic still resides within me and begs to be freed. But as we grow older or experience things in life, our perception, understanding and beliefs in life changes as well. Often times it's for the better and in some occasions it's for the worst. I'd like to still believe that it's the best thing in this world. And perhaps it is. Uncertainty and bitterness have made me somewhat just a shell of the superficial person I once was. In retrospect, it seemed beautiful and charming. Admirable. But at the same time, idiotic and childish.
I also used to believe in angels. In God. Not so much nowadays, however. I acknowledge the fact that I was born and raised Catholic. I grew up in a family that believed in the higher power and feared God as the creator and ruler of all that we know of. It's a bit different to me now but I do not claim to renounce my faith. I suppose I'm just a bit indifferent or uninterested now. There used to be a time when I prayed a lot. A time when I went to church and a time when I believed that God had a purpose for my existence. I'm not saying that He does not for a fact have a reason for putting me in this world. Nor am I saying that there is no God. I'm just saying that I do not know what to think of when it comes to religion. But enough about it. I'm here to talk about angels.
(Winged creature, messenger of God. Guardian and Guide.)
What is an angel? I don't know. I have never seen one. I have seen photos of people exhibiting a representation of what an angel could look like. I have seen numerous paintings of how artists thought angels would look like. I've heard of stories that talked about encounters with said angelic beings that appeared before them and showed them things. I have nothing to talk about regarding any accounts of encounters with angels or anything of the like. But I do have a handful of thoughts and ideas as to what I thought angels were, back when I used to believe. Or I should say, back when I was not unsure what to believe.
Angels were, to me, guides and guardians sent by God to each and every one of us. Unseen beings that guided us through everyday life and made sure we made the right decisions and avoid the temptations and traps set by the forces of Satan. It was such a valiant and admirable task. Then I started thinking about those that suffered so much and have met untimely and tragic ends to their stories. It was supposedly that God had plans for them and that they were part of a very complex and intricate design that we cannot easily comprehend. I thought and I thought more. And harder. Until all I can deduce is that it may have been possible that there were no such thing as angels. Perhaps there was no God. And perhaps there was no such thing as the afterlife. But at the same time, part of me also keeps coming back to the idea of faith and belief. Of hope. Angels were supposed to guide me and keep me in the right path. I have been in a good path so far. Granted I have not been in the best path in life, but at least I have not died like the other people I know or knew. Not to mention the other millions or billions that are in terrible situations in their lives. Of course, angels are supposedly not to interfere in any physical manner, assuming they are truly real. But something about the idea of having such guidance from an unseen being but still somehow ending up dead or broken just disappoints and saddens me. I believed in angels and I still do my best to have faith from time to time. But I have so many questions that are not yet answered. Maybe things just happen for no reason. Maybe we just feel like events took place because of a design we don't understand and can never ever foresee. In a lot of cases, this may seem so much so. But how about those that have lost loved ones. Death befalls someone in this planet every passing second. By natural means and by tragic events we just can't control. I find it hard to believe that when a man dies from another's hand, it is considered to be justified for we think that things just happens for a reason. What did the angel guiding those men do? Is it that God's design involved a man taking another individual's life? I don't know.
So many questions I cannot answer myself. And I don't even know if I really need to know the answers. I was a nice guy and I'm a nice guy now, regardless of my belief in God or angels. With all my heart, I would like to believe that angels existed. If they did, maybe the winged guardian assigned to my life kept me from being hit by that jeepney back when I was a kid. Maybe he or she kept me from being stabbed and robbed that one night too? And maybe my angel also made sure I didn't end up making a terribly foolish decision in life? But it's also possible that I was just lucky or I was just strong in mind and heart.
And if angels were real, does this mean that the angel that guided me all these years was responsible for the bitter hardships I endured in my life?
Angels were, to me, guides and guardians sent by God to each and every one of us. Unseen beings that guided us through everyday life and made sure we made the right decisions and avoid the temptations and traps set by the forces of Satan. It was such a valiant and admirable task. Then I started thinking about those that suffered so much and have met untimely and tragic ends to their stories. It was supposedly that God had plans for them and that they were part of a very complex and intricate design that we cannot easily comprehend. I thought and I thought more. And harder. Until all I can deduce is that it may have been possible that there were no such thing as angels. Perhaps there was no God. And perhaps there was no such thing as the afterlife. But at the same time, part of me also keeps coming back to the idea of faith and belief. Of hope. Angels were supposed to guide me and keep me in the right path. I have been in a good path so far. Granted I have not been in the best path in life, but at least I have not died like the other people I know or knew. Not to mention the other millions or billions that are in terrible situations in their lives. Of course, angels are supposedly not to interfere in any physical manner, assuming they are truly real. But something about the idea of having such guidance from an unseen being but still somehow ending up dead or broken just disappoints and saddens me. I believed in angels and I still do my best to have faith from time to time. But I have so many questions that are not yet answered. Maybe things just happen for no reason. Maybe we just feel like events took place because of a design we don't understand and can never ever foresee. In a lot of cases, this may seem so much so. But how about those that have lost loved ones. Death befalls someone in this planet every passing second. By natural means and by tragic events we just can't control. I find it hard to believe that when a man dies from another's hand, it is considered to be justified for we think that things just happens for a reason. What did the angel guiding those men do? Is it that God's design involved a man taking another individual's life? I don't know.
So many questions I cannot answer myself. And I don't even know if I really need to know the answers. I was a nice guy and I'm a nice guy now, regardless of my belief in God or angels. With all my heart, I would like to believe that angels existed. If they did, maybe the winged guardian assigned to my life kept me from being hit by that jeepney back when I was a kid. Maybe he or she kept me from being stabbed and robbed that one night too? And maybe my angel also made sure I didn't end up making a terribly foolish decision in life? But it's also possible that I was just lucky or I was just strong in mind and heart.
And if angels were real, does this mean that the angel that guided me all these years was responsible for the bitter hardships I endured in my life?
If so, I suppose it's all part of a plan for my life. I really don't know.
I guess, I was supposed to lose my father at an early age. So early I don't even remember him. Perhaps I was supposed to waste many years of my life being around the wrong people. To the point I am delayed in life. And maybe I was supposed to get hit with a baseball to the face and a slingshot to the back. Maybe it was destined that I loved too much just to get my heart broken. I guess it was also part of my destiny to be uncertain and doubtful of my religious standing. I guess that's just how it is, assuming angels and God are real.
I guess, I was supposed to lose my father at an early age. So early I don't even remember him. Perhaps I was supposed to waste many years of my life being around the wrong people. To the point I am delayed in life. And maybe I was supposed to get hit with a baseball to the face and a slingshot to the back. Maybe it was destined that I loved too much just to get my heart broken. I guess it was also part of my destiny to be uncertain and doubtful of my religious standing. I guess that's just how it is, assuming angels and God are real.
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