Last session of the month. I made it through the initial tests with little to no difficulties. I can't say that I've done an excellent work answering the questions, but I know for a fact that I will definitely pass the first set of tests that that teacher gave us tonight. First month's over. Looking forward to next month. Speaking of February, I have another thing I'm anxiously looking forward to. Though my hopes are up that things will turn out the way I wished for them to, I am still uncertain and quite anxious to what she'll decide on. All I can do for the meantime is wait. And I intend to patiently sit back and do just that.
She said I made her smile for giving her flowers.
I'm glad it did and if I can keep making her smile as often as I can, then I'll do my best to do that even if I don't get the chance to see her. I've sat down in peace and did some thinking. For a while I was uncertain and frankly, a bit stirred. Stumped. I had an idea of what I should do. It's just that I was faced with a dilemma that questioned my devotion and motivation to pursue her. But after a little bit of a calm and silent time in a room, I was able to ask myself the questions I needed answered. I was able to sort of give myself an outside perspective that I was unable to acknowledge or notice. In the end, it wasn't even a question of whether I wanted to court her or not. Because I do. That part was a bit discouraged, but not entirely shattered. I realized it all boiled down to me being not used to really working hard to get someone to like me. I know I have no issues maintaining a relationship. I've always done my best. And with the mistakes I've done before, I intend to correct this time around. So in conclusion, I told myself that she just can't jeopardize her studies for a complete stranger like me. And for her to ignore me is in fact an understandable action. I kept forgetting that I am a stranger to her.
So I've decided to just stay far out in the background and not bother her at all. There are little things I want to do for her during the course of the next few months in an attempt to make her smile, remind her that I'm here and to hopefully make her realize I'm not like the others.
I'll wait far from her and just stand by if she ever finds the extra time to see each other. This is what I've decided to do. I think it's the right thing to do.
Soulja and I had a little talk this afternoon regarding my current endeavor to the pursuit of happiness. He's a guy that likes to see others happy. And seeing him and his fiancée reminds me of what I've always wanted for in life. The joy he and his significant other share is an admirable example to me and everyone we know when it comes to being in a happy relationship. I wish him and and Mariel the best, not just because they are nice to me. But also because they are nice to other people and without a doubt deserve all the happiness this world can offer.
I told him of my current situation with her. He spoke of some things that really made sense in many levels. But sadly, I wasn't able to catch some of the points he spoke of because of the sound quality in the game. I should ask him to repeat them the next time I see him. But in the end, I was able to pick up some ideas that ultimately led to some of the decisions I have made in regards to what I think I must do. And the best part is that he managed to give me the encouragement I felt like I desperately needed. And it's very appreciated. Like I mentioned earlier, liking and pursuing someone that has very little to no interest in me is a feat that's absolutely new to me. But I vow to diligently and patiently push through with my efforts to hopefully make her like me too. I just need to get used to it and adapt. Understand.
She makes me do things that I have never done before. It's challenging and exciting. Fuck, I disguised myself as a flower delivery guy last week. What will I end up doing next?! Well, I think I have an idea what's the next thing I've never done before that I'll be doing. In fact, I've started working on it already...
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